Confident Communication for Introverts—How Recording Yourself Builds Influence
Stacey Hankey · Episode 25
Communicate Like a Leader
Stacey Hankey, a certified speaking professional inducted into the NSA Hall of Fame and author of "Influence Elevated," dismantles the gap between how leaders feel they communicate and how they actually come across—and gives a concrete, phone-based practice anyone can start today. Her core insight, forged during a humbling first radio commercial that took an entire day to record, is that feeling confident is not the same as communicating confidently, and that consistent self-recording is the only honest mirror available to most leaders. The episode is especially actionable for introverted leaders who want to build trust and influence without relying on volume or charisma.
We're influencing 24/7. If you're a parent trying to get your child to clean their room without telling them, that's influence. We are all doing it.
There's a disconnect—of how we feel when we communicate, verbally and nonverbally, versus what everyone else sees and hears. Usually that disconnect is that people feel most confident exactly when they've gotten the laziest.
Consistency communicates trust. Think of it as an equation: consistency plus authenticity equals trust.
Influence is not determined off of doing things some of the time. It's what you do all the time.
Key Stories
- The Radio Commercial: Fresh out of college, Stacey thought recording her first commercial would take an hour. It took all day. Listening to the playback, she realized her words were sloppy, there was no articulation, and she sounded nothing like she felt. This became the founding insight of her entire career.
- The Client Who Defined Influence: A client called to give feedback on “Influence Elevated” and summarized it as: “Influence is more than what people say about you—it’s what they say about you when you’re not there.” Stacey uses this as her north star for why consistency matters.
- The Corporation That Called Five Years Later: A company she met just before 2020 didn’t have budget. They followed her on social media for five years, experienced consistent messaging, and called in 2025 ready to engage. The example of influence operating on a long timeline.
Techniques & Frameworks
- Monday to Monday: Influence is not built in the high-stakes moment; it is built through consistent, intentional practice in every conversation—with family, at restaurants, in casual meetings—so that when the stakes are high, the skill is already there.
- The Three-Step Recording Practice:
- Get clear on your personal brand (the “I want” question: what do you want people to say about you when you leave the room?).
- Record yourself during real conversations or practice sessions; note how you felt vs. what you actually see and hear on playback.
- Ask a trusted person in advance to watch for the specific thing you’re working on—then debrief after.
- Consistency + Authenticity = Trust: Stacey’s equation for influence. Inconsistency makes people start guessing who will show up, which immediately erodes trust.
- Impact IQ Assessment: A tool Stacey created (featured in “Influence Elevated”) to identify a leader’s influence type and how they can adapt to different personality styles.
- Don’t Let Feeling Be Your Guide: The most dangerous communication mistake is assuming that feeling confident means you are coming across confidently. The playback is the only reliable signal.