Stop Burning Out — Start Managing Your Energy to Lead
Ashley Harwood · Episode 45
Manage Your Energy & Thrive in Extroverted Cultures
Ashley Harwood is a top real estate agent, coach, and author of "Move Over Extroverts: How to Build a Successful Real Estate Career as an Introvert," who spent years struggling in one of the most extrovert-coded industries imaginable before Susan Cain's "Quiet" gave her the framework she needed to restructure her business around her energy. Her core argument is that personal energy is a finite resource that must be managed with the same intentionality as a budget — and that introverts who do this show up sharper, more effective, and ultimately more successful than those who try to out-last extroverts by brute force.
Your personal energy is a resource. If you invest it with intention, you can thrive in even the most extrovert-friendly professions — without burning out.
Before any important meetings or events, I would make sure to rest instead of having three coffee meetings back to back throughout the day.
Rest doesn't necessarily mean sleep. It means being away from people and trying to shut your brain off — even for 30 minutes.
Just move over for a little bit — you'll realize there's half the population sitting here with things to say.
Key Stories
- Struggling without knowing why: Ashley was building a real estate business for years, running herself ragged, and couldn’t understand why she was so tired and stressed all the time — because nobody had ever told her she was an introvert and she wasn’t managing her energy at all.
- Listening to “Quiet” in the car: Ashley’s therapist recommended Susan Cain’s book for personal reasons, not business reasons; Ashley listened in the car and had a series of epiphanies that translated directly into practical changes — focusing on in-person over phone, and taking intentional rest before important moments.
- The writing tutor meeting: Ashley recalls sitting in a staff meeting as a writing tutor in college, having good ideas but not wanting to fight for the floor; when her advisor looked at her directly and asked “I want to hear what you have to say,” she shared the best idea in the room. “That feeling has always stuck with me.” She now tells leaders: always solicit the quiet ones.
- Domain name origin story: Ashley typed “Move Over Extroverts” into GoDaddy in frustration when every other domain was taken — it was available, and she kept it. The brand name captures a feeling every introvert has had.
Techniques & Frameworks
- Energy audit: Map your calendar to identify what drains vs. restores you, then design your work week around your true energy patterns — not the extrovert’s template.
- Pre-event rest blocking: Schedule deliberate rest (alone time, phone off, no screen) before your most important meetings, client interactions, or networking events — not back-to-back coffee meetings that leave you depleted going in.
- Guilt reframe for rest: Treat rest as a performance tool, not indulgence — “I’m going to come back to my clients at a much higher level.” When you notice irritability, treat it as a dashboard warning light and triage your calendar.
- Mirroring and energy matching: When meeting clients, match their energy level rather than trying to perform your own — this is less draining and builds faster rapport.
- Introvert-native selling: Focus on in-person relationship-building over cold calling; lean into listening, consulting, and helping people make the right decision rather than pushing for a close.
- VICTORY networking: (Melita Campbell’s framework, also discussed here in passing) — give yourself structured permission to limit what you do at an event, step away to recharge, and leave if needed. Don’t overstay until you’ve depleted yourself and dread the next one.